Freedom.

Romans 6:22-23

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 32: my poem 'Holding on to pride'

Holding on to pride

Each part of my whole bleeds. My silence eats fully at my bones.
I shipwreck hope by stalling to confess. Guilt brutally destroys what I had left.
Alone I stand against a thousand ravenous warriors. My own escape evades me.

Ps 32:5
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord." And you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Psalm 27: My poem 'whom shan't I fear'

Psalm 27

'Whom shan't I fear?'

Seeds of lies exist scattered within my being.
They plead: "Feed us your trust, make us grow".
I listen and thickened shoots of fear erupt.
Cultivated within, the fruit bloomed is rancid.

Roots bind me afraid to lose, my toils rot:
I strive to protect what I cannot keep;
I wrestle to trust anyone because they all stumble and fall;
I desire satisfaction in the good which is never soul quenching.

I will fear all with no confidence. I must rescue myself.
Though I tell myself I gain, inwardly I starve.
My futility fused efforts will always perish.
How can I win against the final enemy of death?

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 23: My poem 'The Resolve'

Psalm 23

'The Resolve'

Complete the contused & strong the weak;
The ruined, the strewn, the lost He will seek.

Sheep before shepherd brings hope to the lost,
Fetching the flailed, lavished with cost.

Binding the injured, ward away a beast,
Paying with His life so the many could feast.

To dine as a guest served with esteem,
Finery festoons where my cup will teem.

Feeding fully on fruit of Your declare,
Tasting truth freely bound in Your care.

Where is deaths valley? Enemies dissolve,
Thank you, O Lord, for Your restoring resolve.


Romans 8:38-39
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 18: My poem 'This Place'

'This Place'

In this place I am crumpled by my fear.
Let me run. Let me escape. Let me go.
But I am in me - where is there but here?
I cant run, I cant escape, I cant go.

But Lord, you can turn my darkness to light.
I can run, I can escape, I can go.
For in me you have chosen to take delight.
I will run, I will escape, I will go.

Psalm 18:19
He brought me out into a spacious place;
He rescued me because He delighted in me.

Psalm 16: my poem 'Secure and striving'

As I mentioned in my last blog post, this is poetic reflection #2 reading through some psalms. Enjoy!


'Secure and striving'

Target engaged, finger ready,
Bullets loaded, footwork steady.
A sea of deserves & past self reason,
To right the wrongs: to redeem my season.

But i resist. This battle is won -
Victory thick, it has been done.
What will i gain through enemies affliction?
Thank you Lord for this piercing conviction.

Real war is to resist claiming false treasure -
To willfullly clutch Your eternal measure.
Your word declares me secure - never taken,
You are with me forever, I will not be shaken.

Psalm 16:9
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.

Psalms 3 & 4: my poem 'The song of sleepless nights'

Today I've started reading through some of the psalms slowly during my structured bible reading time. I'm using a Good Book guide edited by Tim Chester called 'Soul Songs: exploring love, temptation, guilt and fear from the Psalms'. I thought in an effort to sink in the things I'm learning & being reminded of, I'd write a poem for each set of psalms... putting my creative energies to use & trying something a bit different!

Today's reflection was on psalm 3 & 4, here is my poem - I guess it's kinda an opposite psalm...


'The song of sleepless nights'

Standing in solitude - vulnerable, broken.
I embed last threads of hope into my fateless energy.
But I don't need your help.

I wrote my own answers to life.
Revelling in my glory encased in this stone fortress.
Why would I need your help?

I traded sleep & rest with fear & anger.
I asked for the threats to choke & the anxiety to suffocate.
I didn't want your help.

My heart & answers are empty now,
A thousand unrested silences haunt me.
Why didn't I take your help?

Psalm 3:4
To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from His holy hill.

Psalm 4:8
I will lie down & sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Think seconds first - time as an investment

Time is money. This is the premise of a movie I recently watched 'In time', which certainly rings true in today's society. Time is valuable.

So what I invest my finite amount of time into is a reflection of what I value. And in fact, what I put my time into receives actual value. Take for example my investment into my child with my choice to full-time 'Mum'. Here you see me valuing Motherhood. Malachi also becomes the receiver of full-time care by someone that truly loves him & wants the best for him. His benefit is received by the investment of my time.

The benefit for an investment of time can vary significantly. 1 minute for a peanut butter sandwich. 6 hours for an education on how to do CPR & first aid. 4 years at uni to be a dentist. 18 years of parenting to produce an independent adult. A lifetime to praise God for His mercy. There's the short term, the long term, & the eternal benefits - all of which can & do overlap.

It struck me in the city the other day how selfish the general public are with their time... especially busy working people (perhaps it's because they need to be, given their time is finite). On a train, iPod in, novel open, conversation closed. Walking to work, gaze fixed down, unacknowledging. Maybe it's because I just see the people who are focused on their destination, they're not on the train just because they want to! They opt for keeping their time to themselves because what benefit would it be to them to invest time into a stranger? Time is valuable.

Well, hold on while i rock the cultural boat! A few weeks ago I sat & spoke with an Indian family on the train. They had been in Australia for 10 years & I was the first white 'Aussie' who had spoken to them like this! They dripped with authentic thankfulness for an enjoyable conversation as I alighted. Time was invested - & it stood out a mile to these guys!

We all have time to share. Taking public transport & investing in the people you sit around is very achievable. AND it's no waste because you're multitasking your way to your destination! Giving yourself fully in conversation is a gift worth giving.

People notice being valued. & as Christians, it can be a powerful part of sharing about a God who loves them. Valuing & loving others is also what we're called to do - putting them before ourselves. This of course can look like loads of different things, but it definitely includes everyone we have an opportunity to interact with - even strangers. It's up to us to ask God to help us make our investments in people of eternal benefit...

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,
but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matt 6:19-21)

How was your week?

I've been thinking lately about answering such questions - no matter how obligatory or how genuine the question... It's still seeking a response that reveals something about me!

So, what's worth revealing? The physical difficulties of caring for sick children, the mental exhaustion of a deadline at work, the relational breakdown between two friends, the emotional tiredness of a strained marriage, the struggle of a dry prayer life... How has your week been?

How had Job's week been? Amongst his hardships of losing almost everything, Job said "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." (Job 1:21).

What a reality check! Job really nailed looking at life in its proper context. God is God, man is man.

Paul's prayer for the Romans is for the God of hope to fill them with all joy and peace in believing (in Jesus), so that by the power of the Holy Spirit they may abound in hope (Rom 15:13).

So, we have reason to praise God like Job for who He is & what He's done... namely His mercy given to us in Christ. That's regardless of our week! Let's remember to ask God to help us hold to the joyful, peace filled & hopeful response that His grace allows.

I'm still going to be real with my challenges & pleasures when you ask about my week, but i also hope to struggle in putting them in their place of irrelevance next to the eternal peace & joy found in hope through Christ. A reality check for both you and me! This is something worth revealing...

How was your week?

Are you an Archibald winner?

A few weeks ago I viewed the Archibald prize (one of the perks of moving to Sydney)... what a visual feast. A good portrait, it seemed, are those that portray a persons character, personality, & emotion within a certain context. Tim Storrier's winning self portrait entitled 'The histrionic wayfarer (after Bosch)' was invisible & faceless - yet this work carried an exquisite & complex sense of the subjects identity.

I appreciated reading about how artists would often put in various efforts to 'know' their celebrity subjects, in order to portray them in depth... but my favourite works were the self portraits because the best person the artist knows is themself! The canvas is approached with a whole life's worth of of ground work having being sourced already. This gives the artist license to paint from both knowledge & experience.

The people's choice winner, 'After Jack' was a haunting self depiction done from pictures taken of the artist as she mourned the death of her husband. On face value is a painting of a withering tormented aged lady. Context provided through words brought a much more emotive, chilling & real response from myself as the viewer.

This made me consider that a portrayal of our true self is illuminated when the context is communicated through words.

We're all living self-portraits, endlessly expressing things about ourselves in what we do & how we do it. Even when we don't know we're doing it! Anyone who views even a snippet of our expressions formulate their interpretations of what it means... & why we do it. The challenge is to use our words as well to scaffold that interpretation, so the truth of 'why' we express what we do is clearly told. Leaving it up to them to figure it out is not enough.

Life on a soapbox

The Christian life is to be a living illumination of Gods goodness received. A pithy real response that's says 'what God has done really matters'.

Reading through Titus recently, I've been particularly hit by the proclamation of grace through both a Christians words & life. It's the life bit that really brings it home - if you really believe it, you'll live it! Who we are as people is our message. If our faith is genuine, there is change.

Actions certainly speak loudly but they don't replace words. Words like "Christ has died for our sin" must still be spoken, but to ramp the volume up it must be matched with a real living response! This sharpens the receivers understanding of the gospel. Isn't that what we all need? A good sharpening!

This made me think about being watched. In this phase of life, I live lots of my life in my home... so as a Mum I need to be creative about intentionally making myself watchable, and putting myself in places to watch others. Not a task to be taken lightly!

Are your actions sharpening others understanding of the gospel?

How do you make yourself watchable?

Ouch - really?

I've been thinking lately about how it's so easy to react against other people sinning 'against me' - viewing it purely as a personal attack rather than a symptom of a spiritual condition. The more sobering reality is that they're sinning 'against God'! By spiritual condition, I mean viewing their behaviour as a rebellion against God - whether out of a life that denies His Godness or a life that has received His grace.

Taking it as an attack hints at my own spiritual condition. What is my contentment in Christ lacking? Am I being self righteous & viewing their sin worse than mine because it hurts? How did my response affect their spiritual growth / view of Christianity? How did my response represent what I believe about grace? How did my response affect with my own striving for godliness?

I acknowledge that hurt is very real & that it's certainly appropriate to react to. I guess this is the challenge: am i reacting out of LOVE for God & for them in view of 'helping' their spiritual condition... or out of a selfish heart that seeks to rectify their view of me?

Ephesians 4:9 says
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

So, getting it right not only builds them up but extends grace. Think briefly for the implication of your response to those who have hurt you that don't know Christ! Earlier in chapter 4, Paul also says 'speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ'. Using our words to reflect truth grows us into Christ as well. I've been thinking lately that I am called to respond to others sin in a way that builds them up (for the Christian) / helps build them in (for the non Christian), & grows myself in Godliness. Something that I can't help but notice in all of this is that it results in unity - not division. And yet, I'm sure we can all think of many times a hurt has brought division.

Amongst our responses to Christians, It's worth mentioning that when I talk of building up, I mean encouraging the display of thankfulness of grace in life. This provides an opportunity for rebuking, repenting & forgiveness (Luke 14:14)... And so thinking more of their relationship with God (the vertical) than myself (the horizontal).

I hope my thoughts are digestible - its just something that I've been battling with... particularly amongst those closest to me. So, I'll keep asking God to give me eyes that first view others spiritual conditions before my own hurts.

The battle

Although we've all sinned & turned away from God (Romans 3:23), by grace we have been saved through faith. And this is not our own doing; it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8). Forgiveness through Jesus is an eternal gift. Wow. So... when it comes to living, I want to live on a way that says THANKS for what has been done. There's nothing more I can add ever.

But... I'm still rebelling by not putting God first every day. I can't win this battle myself - that's why Christ died. So, it's with great seriousness that I strive to work out my contentment in Christ & what being joyful about all this looks like as a Mum. As I've read recently - the gospel is not too big to fit into little situations, it's too big not to.

Here I am

The large majority of me being a Mum at home will remain hidden behind these four walls - visible only to God. I think that here is found something so beautifully organic about gospel application. I believe that God has given us every circumstance to display our praise of Him who loves us - and I see Motherhood as being one such circumstance that is part of God's desired order for mankind. It's not my intention to elevate any circumstances above others, but I do want to point out that Mothering requires thoughtful application of God's love as a limitless uncontrolled lifestyle. Comparing this to work, for example, see's gospel application taking place in a more controlled or limited environment. All circumstances require much prayer, meditation on God's word, and change to demonstrate a life changed by grace. It is on this amateur journey to the daily circumstance of Motherhood you find me, with my own unique set of challenges.

Blogging from behind these walls

Malachi, 9 months old, has contributed to some serious role change recently in my life - I'm a Mum! As my only child, I'm battling daily in working out what this change means to my priorities, activities, and application of my faith. Please don't think I have it all together - this is a challenging journey!

I am thankful to God for the recent change in my every-moment-everyday as it's caused me to stop and consider how to glorify God right here & now. Living in this broken and rebellious world, it takes strength to live in a way that rejoices in Christ's defeat over death. The path of a Christian is hard. It's on this battle ground that I hope to establish my sturdy walls 'up': walls that defend my home against the lusts of the world in obedience to God; walls that help nurture a love for God in the home, and; walls that have a door that welcomes others in to the loving grace of the Father. Let me emphasise that these walls are a work in progress - and are a result of my life's transition to amateur mumming so please leave your words of wisdom and thoughts in response!

I have began this blog with the hope of giving you a glimpse behind the walls of my home (and head), that leave you encouraged, refreshed, and with an appetite to think. Let me also express that I also have selfish reasons for blogging: I think as I talk and so, it is hoped that this will spur me to think as I type with some intelligibility!

Pleased to meet you and welcome to my home.